Out Of My Mind

Gazing out the window,

I could see the big orange hanging in the sky.

As I turn my sight towards the board,

I was hoping I could also turn my mind back to those numbers and words;

yet, everything seems so blurry.

All those talks, mumbling in my ears.

Oh, anyone please just scream at me, wake me up from this reminisce.

I remember those nights, when the stars spelled out your name in my dreams.

Now, they are just another nightmares, forcing me to stay awake until I'm able to throw those thoughts far away.

I remember when I could run to you unarmed, feeling so secure.

Now, seeing you around is like seeing thieves who might steal me back.

I remember how everything seems to be flawless;

Now everything's broken, and I'm still trying to stick those pieces back into a brand new shape.

I never want to go back; it is simply about being hold up high and dropped down.

The beauty does not worth the pain.

It is strange; how I thought it's all done in me.

I am angry, anxious, mad, and disappointed at myself, being overly confident, or shall I say stupid? For thinking of it as a simple matter.

Yes, that's what I thought, but in fact, it is so much more.

I wish I am a scientist or researcher or whoever can figure out how memories work in my brain.

Oh, dear, I gotta stop all these nonsense and get it all over with.

I do not know what to do; I am hanging in the middle of nowhere.

Shall I talk? Shall I just be quiet? Shall I..?