All Out

I am exhausted, tired, and helpless. I know He has His strength in me, yet tears still run through my eyes. I wonder if crying indicate weakness; I hope not. Deep inside me, I know I should not be such a little girl. As I sat down in front of the mirror, I looked and saw that "girl" screaming out, "Grow up!" Oh, how I wish I could have seen a better picture which depicts my day. How I wish I could hear a nicer song, playing a peaceful melody. Not that I hate it now; I just... No! I shouldn't think of how much it could have been better; I'd rather fill myself with a grateful feeling, for it could have been worse.

I have been hearing music around, yet never have quite listened to it. Now that I have, I figured out the real melody it plays. I thought it has been playing a song of hope; however, its lyrics are like swords piercing my heart.

I was supposed to be tougher because I knew it, but why does it hurt even more when it gets more defined?

I missed those times when dismay was still far away behind me. Now, that hopelessness seems to be running beside me. I ran and ran as fast as I could, yet I couldn't escape from that prisoner. I stand in the midst of disguise till' I can't see the realness anymore. I was dropped from a higher mountain after I once believed that a change has taken place. Who would have known that it was all simply a lie?

If you want to stone me, do not hit my back; it hurts so much more when I could see you so innocently roaming around in front of me.

I do not care if you see me as an annoying insect,

I never want to think of how much you'd like to stab me,

I am too ignorant to try to find out what you've told people,

but I can never prevent myself from the pain caused.

I am sorry for being such a foolishly fooled fool, agreeing on pursuing an aimless goal.

You never want me around, that, I know.

How I wish you know the only reason I am staying is only to keep them from being hurt too.

Why? Cause I know how painful it is.

Oh! You're acting out a play which I do not want to act in at all.

Please, just wait till' I can find a way to escape.

I do not know how long it'll take me to find my way out, yet seek the patience in yourself.

I am so gonna be out of your way soon or later.

To the worst, if I were to stay,...

I'll play a background character, laying out a setting to support your great acting.

Or I could be your script writer. I don't mind as long as you do not see me as your competition.

I am here not to serve you, but to seek peace for the community.

I have out of ways of making you understand, yet with this small hope in me, I am going to follow through the path which is drawn for me.