Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Your Smiles Are My Happy Tears

When I saw you walking through that door with a smile on your face, a second of my time froze.
That's the smile you used to project to show how everything was going to be okay.
That's the smile you gave me to cheer me up from the downs.
And that's the smile I want to always see on your face.

I wonder why my heart, my mind, and my body acted differently just now.

My mind thought,
"I know that a year is way too long already for me to be stuck in your trap; therefore, I have moved on. You're my past, nothing less and nothing more. Now, I'm going to chill and relax cause you know what? You're my nobody."

Oh! How I wished I could be so tough.
Despite of the pride I have in my mind, something began to stream it down.

My heart felt,
"It's time for us to talk about this torturing feeling, about the longings, and the unrevealed compassion. It's been too long for us to be drowning in this awkward uneasiness. How are you doing? Do you still like to stay up late and wake up early the next morning? I got that habit from you :P . How's your family? How's your studies? How's everything?"

Oh! I wished I could talk normally, as if our past has just been erased.

Yeah! I could have stayed cool or stole some glances at you, but what did I do?

My body didn't follow my mind nor my heart.
In fact, it has it's own control over itself, "impulsiveness".

I jumped off my seat, grabbed my phone, and went to take a walk through another door. You didn't recognize me due to the crowd, yet my eyes caught your smile. I ran, I hid, and I lost myself in the coldness of the weather. I felt stupid for doing what I was doing. Moreover, my mind and my heart were arguing over some dumb things which I don't want to care about.
Looking at the bright side, at least I didn't drop a tear; say no to crybaby! You used to be the one who told me not to cry, thank you for that :)

Every time I think of you, tears will be streaming down my cheek, then I always remember you telling me not too, so I smile as wide as I can. Even though you may not care, I do care about you. I never want you to lose that smile which I once snatched away from you, and for that, I am sorry. I wish you life full of happiness; goodbye I should say cause I know I'll never see you as someone you were before.

1 comment:

  1. “You know it ain't easy
    For these thoughts here to leave me
    There's no words to describe it
    In Indo or in English
    Well, diamonds they fade
    And flowers they bloom
    And I'm telling you
    These feelings won't go away
    They've been knockin' me sideways
    They've been knockin' me out lately
    Whenever you come around me
    These feelings won't go away
    They've been knockin' me sideways
    I keep thinking in a moment that
    Time will take them away
    But these feelings won't go away.”

    I was just listening to this song tadi: Title This Time We Say Goodbye
    http://www.youtube.com/user/loungegecko#p/u/8/RHwA1g4f5UI

    From my bed I watch the stars
    the saucepan drifts into the frame
    come away with me on this fantastic dream

    In the rush of our first night
    this love so blind must have its fate
    please don't hold my hand, this time we say goodbye

    Now I look into your face, I see you shine
    through those bright eyes whispered your sighs
    I ask myself: what went by?

    Time to plan more future highs
    not making love to alibis
    please don't hold my hand this, time we say goodbye...

    Just Hope everything will be okayyy
    Hope that you guys will be able to talk just as old times
    Being able to know how they've been or how's life etc
    I know it takes timeeeeeee
    and as a boy maybe it is not easy to go thought this
    but hopinggggggggg for the besttttt
    The last part give me the chills
    "I wish you life full of happiness; goodbye I should say cause I know I'll never see you as someone you were before." awwwww

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