He Never Fails Me

I was trying to finish a race with time as my competitor. If people walk their lives, I was running exhaustedly. I hated it when I had to say that I was BUSY because it made me feel like I lost the competition, so I tried to squeeze every single thing into my agenda. When it began to pile up, the only thing I could cut was my sleeping time. Oh! How I missed my old routine when LEISURE time was written all over the pages.

Week after week I tried to hide the paleness of my face and "panda" eyes, yet I could not lie to myself that I was tired and worn out. I always told myself that it would be just another day of yawning in class and drinking cups of coffee, but this I said repetitively.

The calendar never looked so long; it was as if another month was slipped into it. I just could not wait till' the next holiday to come. Then, I thought my brain would explode soon or later. I thought I would fall sick. I thought I would give up since I could not take it anymore. On the contrary, I went through each and every task with smile on my face.

The joy of ticking away the tasks I finished was overflowing. My long to-do-lists somehow motivated me to get back on my feet every time I was about to give all up. My source of strength was not coffee, not the smile, not the motivation, not of my own, but God.

I fell asleep in front of my laptop, with my headset on and books underneath my head. I slept in my jeans and t-shirt. I felt so dizzy that I simply lied on my bed. I could not keep it all together that I did not even spare time to remind myself of the LOVE God has been pouring out for me.

I felt like I have failed Him too many times, and I was so afraid of not being able to go back to His arms. One of those nights, I just could not resist my heavy eyes yet my body told itself to grab the bible on my desk. I opened it up to a page, and simply thought, "Oh! I just quickly read something and sleep."

"I can do everything in Him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13

That moment, I drowned myself in tears. I felt like there's a wall for me to lean on after I have been walking unsteadily. Through it all, I thought I was alone, but I was certainly wrong because God has been my source of strength. Even though I have failed Him, He still unfailingly carries me through hardships. Thank You so much Dad for the things You have put me in that I may realize how I should depend on You and not myself.

For you who are weary, tired, and worn out. Remember that there's no boundaries if you rely on God in everything you do. You can do everything in Him who gives you strength.